Why Some Pets Bond More With One Person Than Others

It's no secret that pets, specifically dogs and cats, can become attached to their pet parents. You've probably noticed this behavior in your own pet or someone else's, noticing how they follow their favorite human around or favor cuddling up next to them versus another family member. So, why do pets bond with one person?

Learn all about pet bonding in both cats and dogs, why our furry friends can favor one person in the household, and how to cultivate a bond with your pet—even if you're not their bestie (yet).

Attachment theory in pets

People can become attached to pets, but why do pets become attached to humans? One of the simplest answers is the "love hormone," called oxytocin. This powerful hormone is present in humans (like between mothers and their babies) but also in animals. Dogs, for example, often have a surge in oxytocin when cuddling with their pet parent. While researchers concede that more studies need to be conducted to get a more solid understanding of the context for these hormone surges, it's clear that pups can experience increases in the bonding hormone when they feel safe with their humans.

What about cats? Some people might think that dogs become more attached to their owners than cats do, but research shows that this isn't necessarily the case. While cats can be generally more independent than dogs, a 2019 study shows that cats "show a similar capacity for the formation of secure and insecure attachments towards human caregivers" as children and dogs do. Our furry feline friends can also experience an oxytocin surge during positive interactions with their pet parents.

Attachment and oxytocin go hand-in-hand. The safer and more secure that babies, dogs, and cats feel from a young age, the higher their oxytocin levels—and therefore, the better able they are to form attachments with their caretakers.

How early life experiences and training affect pet bonding behavior

To continue answering the question, "Why do pets bond with one person?" we need to touch on your pet's early life. The most crucial time for your pet's development is the first few months of their life: between approximately 3 and 20 weeks for dogs and between approximately 2 and 12 weeks for kittens. This is their prime socialization time, where they interact with their mothers and any litter mates; are exposed to different sounds, smells, and sights; and start navigating the world around them.

While much of cat and dog socialization happens with the breeder, it continues when you bring your furry pal home. As you train your pet, love on them, and create a safe space for them to settle in, you're helping to develop trust and secure attachment. In fact, oxytocin increases are seen more in cats who have secure attachment.

But this doesn't mean that an older, adopted pet won't bond with you. With patience, affection, and continued training and socialization, your dog or cat can become attached.

If your dog or cat is attached to one person, it's likely because that person:

• Served as their primary trainer or caretaker during the crucial socialization period or once the pet was brought home
• Has built trust through positive reinforcement and calm, positive socialization experiences
• Gives them adequate love and attention throughout the day
• Provides eye contact and other visual communication
• Is the main source of treats and meals

Common signs that your pet is bonded to one person

Here are some telltale signs that your pet is attached to one person in the house (organized by typical dog and cat bonding behaviors).

Cat bonding behaviors:

• Checking in periodically with you
• Pushing their head or rubbing against your body
• Attempting to "groom" your hair
• Exposing their stomachs to you during play or petting
• Carrying their toys over to you
• Sleeping next to you or nearby
• Following you around the house

Dog bonding behaviors:

• Licking you
• Following you around the house
• Making eye contact
• Showing excitement when you come home
• Coming to you for comfort during a stressful situation
• Responding to or perking up when they hear your voice
• Bringing you toys or other outdoor "gifts"
• Acting calm during grooming sessions

Can other family members bond with your pet?

Absolutely! Just because your pet favors one person doesn't mean that they can't bond with other members of the household. Here are some ways that other people in the house can bond with your dog or cat.

How to bond with your cat

• Stay calm. Maintain a calm presence around your furry little pal.
• Don't force interactions. Make predictable movements and always let them approach you (don't forcibly pet them).
• Use the "slow blink." When they're looking at you, blink slowly to show them that you're content.
• Pet them appropriately. Once you know their favorite spots to be pet, give them ample affection in those areas, such as a nice head or back scratch. Respect their boundaries when they no longer want to be pet.
• Play when they want to play. If they bring you a toy or start playing with the blanket you're using, engage with them! Playtime is a great opportunity to develop trust and affection.
• Take turns feeding them. Divvy up mealtime duties between family members so that your cat receives equal caretaking.

How to bond with your dog

• Exercise them. Taking them for walks, jogs, or any outdoor adventure can create an emotional connection.
• Use positive reinforcement. Make sure to reward good behavior and pivot negative behaviors using a calm voice and positive reinforcement. Using physical force or yelling can make your dog become fearful.
• Spend quality time together. Play tug of war or a game of fetch, or simply cuddle together on the couch. These activities can help them become more comfortable and safe around you.
• Participate in their routine. Take turns taking them out for bathroom breaks, going on walks, and feeding them, which spreads the caretaking equally among family members.
• Give them love and attention. Dogs thrive on attention, so be sure to take every opportunity to scratch their head, give them belly rubs, and play with them.

Pet bonding behaviors: when you should be concerned

If you've been wondering, "Why does my dog favor one person?" or "Why is my cat only comfortable around me?" remember that if you are their primary caretaker, trainer, and affection-giver, their preferences are normal. What can become concerning is if your pet displays anxious attachment behaviors or aggressive actions toward others.

These behavioral signs might warrant extra training or socialization for your dog or cat:

• Your dog or cat has separation anxiety, panicking when you leave the house for any period of time.
• Your pup barks, growls, or lunges at other people or dogs when they get close to you.
• Your cat turns into protector mode when other animals or humans are nearby. They may look like they're going to pounce or start hissing at the other individual.
• They're overly clingy, never letting you out of their sight.

If your cat or dog only likes one person and becomes aggressive with others, it's time to continue their socialization, seek help from a professional dog or cat behavioralist, and schedule a visit to your vet. Your veterinarian knows your pet's history and can do a deeper dive into their behaviors to rule out other causes.

You can also get more behavior and training tips from Trupanion's Pet Parenting blog, with topics covering "why do pets bond with one person" to how to puppy-proof your home—and much more.